This post is brought to you by Acronis Recovery Systems. I completely forgot I had this software installed on my computer. It allowed me to restore my system to a previous date without trojan horses, malware, and viruses. This post is also brought to you by Jack Daniels, the only thing keeping the sharp knife next to me from plunging into my aorta.
Boy oh boy, wasn't yesterday a great day. I was able to fix my computer and it is running like a well oiled machine once again. I would like to keep it this way, so I guess I will have to go back to the magazines if you know what I mean. After I fixed my computer a begrudgingly went back to the barber who had butchered me the last seven times. He must have got some new clippers because my hair turned out magnificent--or or good as a $10 hair cut can buy. I only had to work a five hour day. I got home and my dad needed some help fixing the lawn mower, but I was more than happy to do so...there is something gratifying about helping the old man put on a new mower belt and getting a little dirty and bloodied in the process. And to top it all off, I found out the two of my Convict Cichlids have procreated and now I have about 30 new spawn in my fish tank. Great day.
Wouldn't you know it that I got some mail from a certain graduate school. I get two pieces of mail. One, a bulletin outlining their schedule for the 2009-2010 academic year with information on how to and when to register. The second, a letter from the Chair of the Department of Counselor Education. After reading through the fist bulletin, I like what they have to offer and already have an idea of what my schedule will be like this coming fall. After reading through the letter I realize that my admission has "regretfully" not been approved. Well fuck me in the ass with a Greg Louganis dick.
Wow, yesterday fucking blew. I spent three fucking hours trying to figure out how this Acronis software works. I'm not Bill fucking Gates, I don't speak computer douche bag. I'm going to download so much porn that Larry Flynt will be reincarnated as my hard drive(I know he is still alive, but barely). It was fucking Monday, god I hate work. I get off work and have to pick a mower belt at an auto store. The retarts are supposed to have it ready for me to pick up. They don't, so it takes me twenty fucking minutes to get it. I get home and try to put the belt on and they gave me the wrong fucking size. My dad goes back up and gets two new belts to try--I am forced to cancel my golf date with Lil Strut and I shed a few tears. The first belt, of course, doesn't work. And to make matters worse I am laying on the cement sweating my balls off cranking a ratchet while a sharp corner gashed my elbow with every turn. Now I probably have tetanus. The new fish should be good news, but I probably created a new speices. I have about 15 Convict Cichlids and they all came from two original fish. Now father and daughter have made babies and they are sure to come out with seven heads, eight ass holes, and zero gills. What a shitty day.
Let me sidetrack a bit here. I just read Mark Titus' most recent blog over at Club Tril and I was truly disappointed, I was really hoping that the reason he hadn't posted in so long was because there was a copycat of the "Craigslist killer" and Titus was kidnapped after someone took him up on his offer for an erotic scrotum massage. One more reason why this day sucks.
So what the hell do I do know? LikeWhoa advised me to burn that "mothafucker", referring to the school, to the ground. First, I think I will beg for mercy like a little bitch and hope that they let me in. Then, after they undoubtedly say "Thanks, but no thanks," I will burn that mothafucker to the ground.
I've already committed to going to Columbus, so fuck it, I'm going. I don't care if I have to give blumpkins at Daniel's favorite hang out, the Plugged Nickel, to make ends meet, the ends will be meetin' like a mothafucka.
Also, much to Mrs. Ace's disapproval, I tried out this stuff called "Snus" made by Camel tonight. It is the new tobacco that is targeted at 11 year olds who would like to get a buzz while chewing gum. And it works. The package says use one pouch for up to 30 minutes and enjoy the tingle. Well I have a better suggestion. Pound half a bottle of Jack and then shove five in your mouth...I've never tried acid, but I have to imagine the effects are similar. I'm fighting off dragons as I finish this post.
ASALAMALAKUM, ONE LOVE