All Good Things Must Come to an End

I have held on for as long as I could, but I can't do it anymore. I no longer have the time, energy, or desire. It's over. This is my good bye.

It is the heart of the off season for every sport that I truly care about and I can't continue searching through the days news cycle to make a post about something pointless...I actually wrote a post about Ozzie Guillen that didn't include something about him calling Jay Mariotti a faggot, unacceptable.

The real world is calling me and it is time for me to get on the grind. I need to find a fucking job. And continue to bother the ass holes at the grad school until they have no choice but to accept me. Christ, I plan on moving to Columbus in August and I don't even have a place to live yet.

Since day one I have done this blog on my time. I don't get paid for this, obviously. I didn't even think it was possible to get paid for this. I don't do this on company time. If that were the case then I would be putting out three posts a day. Staying up until 1:00 AM to finish up a post just isn't working for anymore. It has become a drag. I'm just not willing to put in that same effort that I was before.

Will I post occasionally? No, that's gay. Will I fire it back up once football season rolls around? I hope so. This blogosphere was built upon the NFL and College Football and I hope to continue that when the time comes. But who knows, I may be homeless and unemployed by the time football season rolls around. Either way, you won't here from me until then.

I love all of you, and by all of you I mean Brian Dawkins.

I'M OUT

ASALAMALAKUM, ONE LOVE

Wrigley Field Is Just A Bar

Suck on that one, Lou. Why don't you and your queerish catcher go toke a J to that one, you fucking hippie. Don't come to the south side talking shit about a boost in ticket sales, bitch. For the last time, you don't fuck with Ozzie Guillen. Ever.

Ozzie has gotten the White Sox back on track, and the south siders are just 4 games back from the lowly Detroit Tigers. All of the sudden the bats are starting to get it going and our pitchers are actually getting this amazing little thing called run support. The Sox have averaged almost seven runs per game in their last ten games, which is almost seven runs per game more than their season average. Jermaine Dye is just continuing to be an All Star and A. J. Pierzynski is continuing to be my favorite baseball player ever. Podsednik has been a miracle coming back to the Sox, leading the team in batting average and stolen bases despite only playing in 52 games for the Sox thus far. All that and Carlos Quentin is due to come back from the DL after the All Star break. Hells yeah.

If we could just find a fifth pitcher who didn't look like a struck match and wasn't named Jose Contreras we would be all set to make a deep playoff run. Maybe we can work Poreda into the starting rotation to see what he's got? I don't know, but Contreras needs to be moved. Him and the elite athlete that is Bartolo Colon. Despite sporting one of the sickest hair cuts ever, he is just dead weight. A metric ton of dead weight.

And if you need another reason to jump on the White Sox bandwagon--of course you don't--we have a cake walk into the All Star break. We took two of three from the Dodgers, the team with the best record in baseball. We took two of three from the Cubs, the team that everybody hates, even Barack Obama. We are going to finish up the sweep of the hilariously terrible Tribe tonight. Then we get a four game series against the Royals, another three game sweep of the Tribe, and then a three game series against the Twins. Looks to me like we are winning 9 of our next 11 games, at least 8.

Now we roll. So jump on board people, there is plenty of room. For fucks sake, it's Ozzie Guillen, how can you not believe.

I'M OUT

ASALAMALAKUM, ONE LOVE

Feelin' Kinda Monday: My Shot at Breaking Down the NBA Draft, Confederation's Cup Final, and Assault by Way of Golf Ball

NBA Draft Winners and Losers

• The San Antonio Spurs are obviously the biggest winners. By some miracle, no ACL's, DeJuan Blair fell into their laps with the 37th pick. I love it, an aggressive rebounder on the defensive and offensive glass, just what we needed. Then we got Jack McClinton, another guy who I thought could have went earlier. At first, I wasn't completely sold on the pick because he was basically known for being a shooter and that's all. But supposedly Pop fell in love with this kid because of his tenacious D, so if Pop like it, I like it. Nando De Colo was our last pick, he will be in Europe for four or five years before the NBA sees him.
• Loser: New York Knicks. I don't think Jordan Hill will ever be anything more than average in the NBA. He is a good defender and good rebounder, but when it comes to offensive game, he's got ZERO. They wanted a PG and even though Rubio and Curry were gone, I think they could have gotten a good one with Jennings. Plus, they actually traded to GET Darko Milicic. Morons.
  
• Loser: Oklahoma City Thunder. I don't know why, but I just feel that James Harden is going to be a bust...he certainly shouldn't have been the third player picked. And the number one sign of a loser on draft day is somebody who drafts a Center who is a former Fuckeye. Add B.J. Mullens to the list of Fuckeye busts.
  
• Loser: Orlando Magic. They didn't have any picks, but I absolutely hated their trade with the Nets. As I said before, I think Courtney Lee is going to be very good in the Association. I think they should have kept Rafer Alston around just in case Nelson goes down, again. Vince Carter teams just don't win. It doesn't happen. They would have been better off if they had resigned Turkoglu and tried to make another run with the same team. The last thing they needed was a big shake up.
  
• Winner: Memphis Grizzlies. Hasheem Thabeet can be a dominant force in the NBA if he can beef up a little bit and work on his offensive game. I think his offensive game is a bit underrated right now and he will step in and contribute on both ends right away. DeMarre Carroll has the talent and potential to be drafted in the top 15. Think Josh Howard minus the hashish. Getting Sam Young in the second round is a great pick up, even if he looks older than Greg Oden.
  
• WTF?: Minnesota Timberwolves. Ricky Rubio will not be signing with your team. Ever. Why even waste your time? If they really wanted a couple guards then they should have drafted Curry and Flynn at 5 and 6. I do like the Wayne Ellington pick, he is within range when he walks into the gym.

American Futbol

• I actually watched the entire Final of the Confederation's Cup featuring Brazil vs. USA.
• It was actually interesting and exciting during the first half. USA was on the offensive throughout the half and really had Brazil on their heals.
• The little give and go play , or whatever they call it in soccer, for the Americans second goal between Davies and Donovan was brilliant.
  
• Unfortunately, all the fun ended when the first half ended. Brazil came out of the half and scored their first goal just 30 seconds into the second half. Brazil owned us in every aspect throughout the rest of the game, despite the referee not counting what was an obvious goal by the Brazilians.
• We lost 3-2, and it very easily could have been 5-2 had our goalie not been playing out of his mind. Brazil had eleven shots on goal, that's ridiculous... We had four.
  
• I have no idea who Clint Dempsey is or how he had performed leading up to this game, but I do know that he was rotten this match. He was repeatedly beaten and abused on the defensive end, including being out jumped by Brazil's Lucio for the game winning goal.
• Also, Jozy Altidore sucks. What an over-hyped bum.
  
• The USA just isn't going to win on that level, at least no consistently. Brazil outmatched the U.S. at every position. Soccer isn't our game. Hell, it isn't even our fourth game--sorry soccer fans. Guess what the greatest athletes in Brazil grow up wanting to be. You guessed it, Soccer players. Guess what the greatest athletes in the U.S. grow up wanting to be. You guessed it, not Soccer players. Until that changes, the U.S. can't run with the big boys.
• I'm not sure why soccer hasn't grown in the U.S. either. You would think it would be something popular in the inner cities since all you need is a ball and two goals...one of the same reasons why basketball is so popular in the inner cities. But the one thing basketball holds over soccer right now, and forever, is star power. U.S. soccer needs to find it's Michael Jordan and market the shit out of him. And not some scrub like Freddy Adu. I mean the real fucking deal.

I Took One in the Ass Yesterday

• No, you sick fuckers. Get your minds out of the gutter.
• I went golfing yesterday.
• I was finishing up and average round, I believe I was +5 after eight.
• If you are not familiar with the Naptown Municipal layout, let me describe it: Every drive you hit will likely end up on another fairway. That pretty much sums it up.
• So I tee off on hole nine and I pull it a little left. It makes it over the gully on one and is just left of the line of pine trees.
• I step up to my ball, wondering how in the hell I am going to cut a seven iron around seven pine trees, and then get ready to swing.
• BOOM! Something has struck me directly in the left butt cheek and it hurts like a sumbitch. I'm a bit confused because I didn't see anybody hitting in the area, but I realize I have just been struck by a golf ball.
  
• Turns out somebody was teeing off from the tips on hole 1 and didn't see me on his hole. Turns out this guy happens to be pretty good and can strike his driver with great velocity and efficiency. It turns out that's exactly what he did when he hit his driver and sent the ball screaming towards my ass.
  
• Ouch.
• I didn't finish the hole.
• You may have just looked at a picture of my ass. Fag.
  

I'M OUT

ASALAMALAKUM, ONE LOVE

The Death of an Icon. My Ode to Michael Jackson

How shocking is this news? I haven't heard a word about the King of Pop for four years and then all of the sudden he ends up dead...crazy. I can't lie, the first thing I thought when I heard the news was suicide. Maybe I'm wrong, he was apparently gearing up for another tour. Either way, the news is unfortunate. I'm not even going to touch on the all the legal issues he has faced throughout his lifetime; the truth is, that guy was fucked from birth and deserves more sympathy than condemnation.

So here are my favorite five songs from the greatest entertainer in the history of entertainment.

"Billie Jean"- 1982. This is a top 5 song ever. The song begins and you immediately know that you are about to listen to a classic. The funny thing is, this song is actually based on a serious situation where Jackson was accused of fathering a child with one of his fans...No, I refuse to make a joke about pedophilia.

"Smooth Criminal"-1987. Remember the movie "Moonwalker?" Yeah, me either, but it was the centerpiece to the movie. Despite being the seventh single of his Bad album, it has become one of his most popular songs. I can't lie, I really became a huge fan of this song after Alien Ant Farm re-made it. I'm embarrassed to admit this.

"Thriller" -1982. This is probably the most well known song in the world. It is definitely the most watched music video of all time. It is also the best choreographed music video of all time. I mean, come on, who doesn't know the Thriller dance? Everybody knows at least part of it. Even Donovan McNabb can do it.

"I Want You Back"-1969. This song is great. I know it is Jackson 5, but we all know it was all about Michael. Unfortunately, this was probably the beginning of his downfall. His father destroyed any chance Michael ever had at growing up to be normal from this point on. That doesn't change the greatness of the song though. Click the link and enjoy.

"Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"-1979. A true classic. The first single that Michael Jackson ever had complete control over. This was the first glimpse that people had into the great artist the Jackson would become. Chris Tucker owned this song in Rush Hour 2.

Watching this videos it doesn't even seem like I am talking about the same person who we know as Michael Jackson today.

Again, no matter what your perspective on his life or death, it is tragic.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

I'M OUT

ASALAMALAKUM, ONE LOVE

Can There be Two Kings in Cleveland?

The Cleveland Cavaliers pulled the trigger yesterday on a trade that vaults them right back atop the Eastern Conference. The Cavs bring in Shaquille O'Neal from Phoenix and ship out the corpse of Ben Wallace and a man named Sasha, as well as the 46th pick in the draft and a bundle of cash. Wow. Just one day after the Spurs make a mega deal to land Richard Jefferson and stake their claim for next year's NBA title, the Cavs fire back by bringing in the Diesel.

The Cavs really needed to do something about their front court. Big Z is a pansy and you can't expect much more out of him than some jump shots. Varejoa is an aggressive defender, but he is hapless on the offensive end and doesn't possess enough control on the defensive end to be consistently effective. You had to see this move coming. After Dwight Howard owned Cleveland in the playoffs you knew Danny Ferry was going to have to make a move to get a big man, a move he should have made five months ago. Now the Cavs can feel confident in their match ups down low when they go up against the likes of Kevin Garnett and Dwight Howard, even if Shaq is on his last leg.

There was also a report that the Cavs would have gone after Tyson Chandler had they not been able to agree on a deal for Shaq. Honestly, I think Chandler would have been a better move. Chandler is one of the most athletic big men in the Association right now. He is going to make 60% of his shots, mostly dunks, and he is going to grab you nine boards per game. He only averages one block per game, but that doesn't tell the whole story. He is a disruptive player on the defensive end who really gets after it in the middle. And unlike Shaq, he can play an entire game if needed. I hate, HATE, Anderson Varejoa, but having him and Chandler side by side would be an imposing frontline. The only problem with bringing in Chandler is that he would be their for two years. He has a an 2010-11 player option for $12.4 mil, which means it would hamper the Cavs ability to make a big splash in what is going to be the craziest free agency period ever.

The real issue, in my mind, is whether or not Shaq and Lebron can coexist for an entire season. I believe they can, but each of them are going to have to tone down their personalities a bit. Lebron is the clear leader of that team. He coaches them up. He motivates them. And he isn't afraid to get after his teammates if they aren't carrying their load. That shit doesn't fly with Shaq. Shaq has never been on a team where he wasn't the leader, even in Phoenix. I find it hard to believe there was anybody in that locker room that could have reigned Shaq in. Shaq is used to being Batman, while a young guard plays his Robin in their quest for a title. Not anymore, this is Lebron's team. Lebron just needs to know how to handle the Diesel. The fact is Shaq is going to take some plays off. Hell, he will take some entire games off and the Cavs will lose some games because of it. That's just something you have to accept with Shaq and hope that he can bring it throughout the playoffs. But that's okay Cavs fans, that's exactly what you got him for.

I'M OUT

ASALAMALAKUM, ONE LOVE

Gregg Popovich Sends Me an Angel From Above

Just when I thought this cold, cruel world was taking a collective shit all over my face, a text from G$,"Your Spurs just became the favorites next year," alerts me that Gregg Popovich has sent me a gift from above--or from Milwaukee. Yesterday the Spurs and Bucks struck a deal that sends Richard Jefferson so San Antonio for the the likes of Bruce Bowen(I like him, but he's an old BUM), Kurt Thomas(BUM), and Fabricio Oberto(greasy BUM that could drop dead any second). The Bucks were looking to clear up some space to re-sign Ramon Sessions and Charlie Villinueva and the Spurs were more than willing to take Jefferson off there hands, especially with the added bonus of parting ways with three players that barely contributed last year. This is a great move for the Spurs, who are making it pretty obvious they are going to do everything in their power to win a title in the next two years.


How can we not be the favorites? The Lakers will be good, but will they be able to keep both Ariza and Odom? I don't think so. Even if they do I like our chances. The West will be loaded, again, but there aren't any other teams in the West that can beat the Spurs in a seven game series. Lebron won't win a title in Cleveland. Jesus couldn't win a title in Cleveland. The Celtics have one more year left to make a run, so they are probably the biggest threat, but I like our starting lineup just a little bit better now. Orlando has a shot, but Howard is still kind of a piece of shit. And Stan Van Gundy is still on the sidelines. Spurs=Championship.

Tim Duncan is still the best big man in the NBA. Say what you want, but don't tell me there is another guy you would take if you need to win one game. Until Dwight Howard grows out of his vagina, which could be next year, Timmy is still the best big man.

Is Tony Parker the best point guard in the Association? Maybe. As of right now the only guy that can be put ahead of him is Chris Paul. Rajon Rondo and Derek Rose will be in the discussion for years to come, but Parker has a leg up on them for now. The scary thing is, Parker is still getting better. People forget he is only 27. If he can increase his jump shot percentage by just a couple percent, he could be the perfect point guard. But it's hard to blame the guy for not working on his shot when he is banging Eva Longoria.

Oh Manu, my favorite player of all. Is it really fair to even call him a sixth man? If that's the case then he should have won the award the last four years. The ankle injuries really worry me, but he won't be suiting up for Argentina this summer so he should be 100% by the beginning of the season. I expect Manu to return to his form in the 07-08 season, scoring 17 ppg and hitting 40% of his three point attempts. Viva La Résistance!

And the new guy, Richard Jefferson. I'm expecting big things. I don't think he will be able to match his previous numbers because he will probably be our fourth scoring option, maybe third, but his production will be infinitely better than anything we got from the number 3 spot in the past. San Antonio really needed a wing to work with our "drive and dish" type offense so hopefully he can keep up his three point shot, he shot a career best 39% last year, but he is a guy who can create his own offense as well--which means no more stagnate offense that features Parker dribbling around for twenty seconds and then launching up a three, dammit was that annoying--. He is going to have to get back down into the paint a little bit as well. He averaged over six rebounds per game with the Nets--or at least when he actually gave a shit about the Nets-- and he will need to have similar numbers for the Spurs. He will need to check his ego at the door, but Pop is one of the best so I don't have any worries.

Is there a better starting lineup in the Association than Parker, Manu, Jefferson, Gooden, and Duncan? Uh, No. That being said, the Spurs bench is now paper thin. But I think the odds are pretty good that either Bowen or Thomas, or both, make there way back to San Antonio. The Spurs really need to find some help in the middle though. I'm assuming that we will be bringing over a big man or two from Europe to see how they fair, and that is fine by me. We can't afford to go after anybody else after this move.

What a great move. Thank Science we didn't get Vince Carter's worthless ass last year.

The Championship goes through San Antonio next year, bitches.

I'M OUT

ASALAMALAKUM, ONE LOVE

Back to Square Zero

This post is brought to you by Acronis Recovery Systems. I completely forgot I had this software installed on my computer. It allowed me to restore my system to a previous date without trojan horses, malware, and viruses. This post is also brought to you by Jack Daniels, the only thing keeping the sharp knife next to me from plunging into my aorta.

Boy oh boy, wasn't yesterday a great day. I was able to fix my computer and it is running like a well oiled machine once again. I would like to keep it this way, so I guess I will have to go back to the magazines if you know what I mean. After I fixed my computer a begrudgingly went back to the barber who had butchered me the last seven times. He must have got some new clippers because my hair turned out magnificent--or or good as a $10 hair cut can buy. I only had to work a five hour day. I got home and my dad needed some help fixing the lawn mower, but I was more than happy to do so...there is something gratifying about helping the old man put on a new mower belt and getting a little dirty and bloodied in the process. And to top it all off, I found out the two of my Convict Cichlids have procreated and now I have about 30 new spawn in my fish tank. Great day.

Wouldn't you know it that I got some mail from a certain graduate school. I get two pieces of mail. One, a bulletin outlining their schedule for the 2009-2010 academic year with information on how to and when to register. The second, a letter from the Chair of the Department of Counselor Education. After reading through the fist bulletin, I like what they have to offer and already have an idea of what my schedule will be like this coming fall. After reading through the letter I realize that my admission has "regretfully" not been approved. Well fuck me in the ass with a Greg Louganis dick.

Wow, yesterday fucking blew. I spent three fucking hours trying to figure out how this Acronis software works. I'm not Bill fucking Gates, I don't speak computer douche bag. I'm going to download so much porn that Larry Flynt will be reincarnated as my hard drive(I know he is still alive, but barely). It was fucking Monday, god I hate work. I get off work and have to pick a mower belt at an auto store. The retarts are supposed to have it ready for me to pick up. They don't, so it takes me twenty fucking minutes to get it. I get home and try to put the belt on and they gave me the wrong fucking size. My dad goes back up and gets two new belts to try--I am forced to cancel my golf date with Lil Strut and I shed a few tears. The first belt, of course, doesn't work. And to make matters worse I am laying on the cement sweating my balls off cranking a ratchet while a sharp corner gashed my elbow with every turn. Now I probably have tetanus. The new fish should be good news, but I probably created a new speices. I have about 15 Convict Cichlids and they all came from two original fish. Now father and daughter have made babies and they are sure to come out with seven heads, eight ass holes, and zero gills. What a shitty day.

Let me sidetrack a bit here. I just read Mark Titus' most recent blog over at Club Tril and I was truly disappointed, I was really hoping that the reason he hadn't posted in so long was because there was a copycat of the "Craigslist killer" and Titus was kidnapped after someone took him up on his offer for an erotic scrotum massage. One more reason why this day sucks.

So what the hell do I do know? LikeWhoa advised me to burn that "mothafucker", referring to the school, to the ground. First, I think I will beg for mercy like a little bitch and hope that they let me in. Then, after they undoubtedly say "Thanks, but no thanks," I will burn that mothafucker to the ground.

I've already committed to going to Columbus, so fuck it, I'm going. I don't care if I have to give blumpkins at Daniel's favorite hang out, the Plugged Nickel, to make ends meet, the ends will be meetin' like a mothafucka.

Also, much to Mrs. Ace's disapproval, I tried out this stuff called "Snus" made by Camel tonight. It is the new tobacco that is targeted at 11 year olds who would like to get a buzz while chewing gum. And it works. The package says use one pouch for up to 30 minutes and enjoy the tingle. Well I have a better suggestion. Pound half a bottle of Jack and then shove five in your mouth...I've never tried acid, but I have to imagine the effects are similar. I'm fighting off dragons as I finish this post.

I'M OUT

ASALAMALAKUM, ONE LOVE